Review: Smash Brawl

TonyDaytona

82%

I'm totally confused as to how a game with no motion control gimmick has managed to engender the mindless Wii crowd's ability to ignore shitty graphics. I always figured they were just enthralled by the "jack off your way to victory" mechanic they felt instant mastery over, now Brawl comes along and disproves my theory.
  
  First off the game is just button mashing. Newton said he was so good at it, but I managed to beat him several times simply by spamming the C stick and jumping around like a retarded kid who forgot his ADHD pills. I guess this is the crowd the game is appealing too, but the amazing sense of "balance" is really just a function of all the characters being the same. You smash left, you smash right, you hit up and B to get back to the edge and you whore items. That is the game. Oh a super hammer spawned next to me, I guess you got outplayed by my skill right?
  
  Why don't settings save? Every time we start we have to switch over to stock from 2 minute KO fest. Is the concept of preferences that hard to grasp? When you finish a round notice how the cursor is directly over the button that swaps out the player for a CPU? Who's genius idea was that?
  
  Get someone in a corner with a fast A spam attack like Shiek's and they are dead. No recourse, 999%; GG Smash Brawl developers. No-re!

EuroTrash

98%

Brawl is a great game. Imagine Street Fighter II allowing you to have 4 people on the screen battling it out at the same time and you start to get a sense of how cool it is. Now picture playing online anytime you want, and you play as any of your favorite video game characters from the last two decades. Are you excited yet? You should be.
  
  It is a misnomer to say it's just like Street Fighter however because the levels are integral to the gameplay. Each board is based off a different game, like the characters themselves. There is a level based on Wario Ware Smooth Moves for example where things pop up on the screen and you have to do them, just like in that game! Stay under the umbrella, or taunt, or jump amongst other options and the player who does it best gains some power up. There is a level based on the original mario game, complete with the POW button and crabs and koopas spawning at the top which really hurt if they hit you.
  
  The best new feature is the level designer. You can make your dream board to fight on or find fan favorites online and download them. However there is a default level that is custom maps and I found it to be really bad. It chooses between 3 randomly and the one called Hole is terrible. The ability to save replays of your matches is also new and much appreciated.

Newton

98%

Finally the Wii has a game that makes the system an absolute must have instead of a cool party accessory. Smash Melee was my favorite console game of all time, Brawl is a worth follow up. Screw anyone that says the game is getting perfect reviews because of all the fan service. I'm not a Nintendo fanboi and I wouldn't care if every character was a stick figure instead of Mario or Link. This game is unbelievably good. I only didn't give it a perfect score because of a few very specific issues. Anyone that gives this game a negative review and then tries to brush off everyone who loves it as just sucking Nintendo's balls is retarded and just trying to differentiate themselves by giving the game of the year a poor review.
  
  The main difference between Brawl and Melee is that there are more balanced characters to choose between. Shiek's air attack is nerfed, Marth's shield breaker is nerfed. Lighter characters such as toon Link and Diddy Kong are extremely viable now. Balancing 8 classes or 3 races has previously been hailed as a monumental achievement. Nintendo has balanced a HUGE roster of characters. It must have taken ridiculous amounts of testing and tweaking to pull off.
  
  I hate the new insta-kills. It's just not fun to get a super powered attack that one shots your enemy. The rocket sled and ultimate smashes suck ass; just spam "A" when you complete it and win. Who enjoys that?